


Looking Back

by pok3d3x



Series: Oath of the Gaywatch [1]
Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Shipper on Deck, gatewatch, side shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8079253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pok3d3x/pseuds/pok3d3x
Summary: It's been a hectic day, stressful enough to warrant a drink, and Chandra doesn't want to drink alone. Who better to turn to than one of her new partners, being in this whole Gatewatch deal they've got going on? Convincing Jace to accompany her, they begin a journey of knowing each other better.Takes place just before the Kaladesh arc is introduced, creating a bit of an alternate timeline.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for light swearing and heavy/dark themes. Nothing should be too graphic, though I'll place trigger warnings on chapters with injury.

"I can't decide if the factories or the wilds were worse," Chandra laughed, a bitterness well aged to being almost managed. Talk of childhood certainly arose from the spiced wine she drank slowly. While not a liar by any means, she wasn't a very open person- not about her childhood especially. 

Her companion drank a little, only out of politeness of the offer. He'd imbibed little, though a warmth had nestled in his stomach as he amusedly watched Chandra finish off her second glass. Here, Jace was still nursing his first and she was about to finish off the small bottle.

Her small story, vague as it was, interested Jace. It was so rare to know much about another planeswalker. Such an opportunity was as likely as seeing an Orzhov thrull handing out money. "I remember I was a young boy…" He trailed off, his eyes glowing lightly.

" _No really?_ " Chandra scoffed with a smirk.

"That statement was a luxury," Jace bit out quietly, though a little harsher than he meant to.

She was taken aback, not expecting such a burst of emotion from him outside of battle. His face remained calm, but his eyes gave way that a very sore spot had been more than touched. She offered him more wine by lifting the nearly empty bottle, staying silent for lack of knowing what he would possibly want her to say.

Receiving a disinterested shake of the head, she corked the wine, placing it back in her bag and saving it for another day. Getting drunk wasn't the goal of the night. Taking the edge off after a stressful day had been what she'd convinced Jace with to get some company.

Rubbing the back of her neck, Chandra awkwardly began," Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

Before she could develop a more profound apology, Jace shook his head, sighing deeply and saying," I shouldn't have yelled."

"You call that a yell? Honey, you barely broke a yelp."

His lips were pursed, a clear sign his mind was not at ease, perhaps at the fact he'd let his mind break strict discipline.

She finished her small cup of wine, spurring him to take another meager sip. Grinning a little, she guessed," Spiced wine not your poison of choice?"

"I don't generally drink," he dismissed. "It was… adequate."

"Ooh, adequate you say? I'll make sure to fetch you another bottle next time I'm through Theros," she joked.

He looked to her with a quirked eyebrow, the hint of a smirk on his lips. That was better than the crinkled brow and straight lips of moments ago.

"You were saying…" She made eye contact, than awkwardly diverted her gaze. "You remembered as a boy…?"

"Just…" He swirled the little wine left in his cup, suddenly conscious of what he'd been about to freely say only a minute ago. "Tea…"

"Tea?" That was perhaps the most straightforward, unriddled thing she'd ever heard him say apart from the spinning of his magic.

"I drank tea in a quiet place when I was tired."

"What do you mean a quiet place? Your room, tree house…?" Now that the words left her mouth, she couldn't actually imagine Jace as a child participating in the folly of a tree house and its secret club rules.

"I don't know," Jace admitted. "But it wasn't loud, no other minds pressing on mine. I've never come across the tea again in all my 'walking…"

Chandra felt a big deal of trust being pressed into her hands, a quiet plea not to share something so uncertain and private to another living soul. Looking back and trying to gauge what the reserved mage was feeling, she asked," Do you feel minds around you all the time?"

He gave a weak smile and said," I've some practice under my belt, these days. Even a stroll through a bustling city isn't overwhelming."

"That's not what I asked."

His face darkened and he spoke quietly," Yes. All the time, all hours of the day and night. I feel the town below us, the tribes south of us…" They were so far away, that the presence he felt was merely a blur of consciousness, but the fact remained that their minds were always pressed against his.

She met his eyes, breath caught in her throat at the very real exhaustion he carried. "I think I know a place you'd like. Button up!" She barely gave him the time to finish his drink and pull the first drawstring on his jacket tight as she grabbed his hand and 'walked with him in tow.

He was gripping her hand tightly, his other hand clutching to her bicep for support. Such an unexpected 'walk rattled his control, and he felt an onslaught of emotion against him. It hit him sooner than the brisk chill that warned hypothermia in mere minutes if he wasn't careful.

The presence only came from one source though.

Jace looked around the bleak landscape around them. No hill or valley for as far as the eye could see. 

"Found here by accident. I don't know its name; never came across a single living soul."

"It's remarkable," Jace commented, though his nose already stung in the cold.

She laughed as he righted himself, finally collected enough to stand on his own. "There's some pretty cool ruins below. I mean, there must have been people at some point, but they're long gone."

"You never struck me as the archeologist type," he commented wryly.

"I'm still an explorer."

He felt the rise in her, quickly doused before it could even lift a lock of hair to flame. They had a similar limitation, both leery of intense emotion for very different reasons. He only realized he'd been staring as she broke eye contact nervously.

"Well, you know your way back, I bet. Guess I'll leave ya' so you can enjoy complete silence."

Her chuckle now was forced, and he assumed it was because she still didn't really know how to talk to him one on one when they weren't antagonistic to one another.

"Actually, the presence of a friend is quite nice," he said, raising a hand slightly to lend pause before she carried out her intention.

Despite actively avoiding opening his mind, he could feel the surprise. Was it so surprising he would call her his friend? He looked on curiously. Any further questioning was brought to a close as he began to shiver.

"Here," Chandra said with a small giggle, leaning close and sharing her warmth. He didn't move away, but he surely didn't lean in. "Tell me about that tea."

He briefly regretted saying anything, not wanting to make one of his few intact memories shared. It didn't feel fair that he should give away something he had so little to go around. On the other hand, he decided as he silently let their shoulders meet, sharing the memory meant he couldn't lose it.

"I couldn't tell you the flavor, I don't even know the plane it was from. It was sweet, maybe not of fruit, but the bark of a fruit bearing tree." The spices were what made it, dry and warm in contrast with the sweetness that made one feel even warmer than the liquid's heat could lend itself to.

Chandra pondered under her breath," Sweet, but not a fruit itself…" Her words almost mimicked how one would repeat a riddle, though he'd intended to be as clear as possible.

"I could share it with you," he offered.

With a lopsided frown, she debated whether or not to accept, finally nodding. "Okay, how do we do that?" She only knew of his abilities in battle, both offensive and supportive.

He pulled away from her side so that he may face her directly and readied a hand to press against her face. As he almost made contact however, she flinched away. Looking back moments later, her brow synched in guilt at the expression opposite her. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

He took a few steps back, instantly drawing his arms across his chest and scrunching in on himself for lack of heat. "No," he interrupted," I've hurt you. I've trespassed your mind. I _know_ what it is to have one's mind violated with magic such as mine. I shouldn't have been so reckless, so rash when such history has already been made…"

A large laugh interrupted the solemnity, and Chandra burst," If you call that rash, I have news for you, buddy!" Another howl of laughter broke out over his scowl in response.

"I'm cold enough," he huffed, trying to maintain an air of unaffectedness, but settling for calm discontent. "I've lost a toe to arctic planes already, I'm 'walking somewhere warmer."

"Oh, I didn't know." Her eyes automatically dropped to his feet, trying to discern from how he held his weight which toe was missing. She looked back up to his face embarrassedly as she caught herself doing it, grateful that he seemed mostly amused.

Shrugging, he simply said," Let's return whence we came and call it a night."

She bit her lip, feeling like there was some kind of misstep between them she couldn't remedy overnight. Holding out her hand, she smiled as he took it, this time the both of them much more in tune as they arrived back where they'd started the evening.

"No hard feelings, right?" She lightly planted a punch to his shoulder, and smirked as he looked down at his shoulder in confusion. It was like he was used to living in his own little personal box and was surprised every time something made it through the intangible barrier.

"Right," he confirmed as he began to back away, taking a few steps before turning about and carrying on. His voice sounded so much more closed up than it had earlier, and Chandra was left wondering if that was liquid courage wearing off or him frantically raising his barriers after realizing how open he'd left them.


	2. Chapter 2

She didn't think it would work when she lured him out again on the premise of not wanting to drink alone. This time however, she brought a very different set of vessel and cups. Pouring fresh water into the ceramic pot and adding in a tea she'd bought in the Selesnya district, she laid her hands on either side of the small, round pot and heated the water- careful to fall just short of boiling.

They sat on the ground in a peaceful grove, opposite each other and close enough they could pour each other's tea. "I wasn't expecting this," he said quietly, not wanting to break the tranquility around them. He made brief eye contact, to convey his truest sentiment as he said rather vocally restrained," Thank you."

Quirking an eyebrow, she smirked and commented," And yet you still agreed to come anyways. I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"I like this better."

She rolled her eyes, but finished what she was doing anyways so she could pour a perfect cup of tea. The key was not to burn the leaves and spices, let them warm slowly, but it took a bit of concentration for such precision.

When she finally deemed it perfectly steeped, she poured him a cup and eagerly awaited his response, waiting for him to take his first sip. She grew impatient quickly, not understanding why he couldn't just gulp a few mouthfuls right away. The tea was only steaming a little.

It was by no means the tea he had in his memory, but Jace greatly appreciated the flavor as well as the gesture. It confused him. Joining the Gatewatch together had certainly ironed out the relationship from enemies to partners, but she had still seemed rather antagonistic towards him well past any true… disagreements. She'd still been more than hostile when he and Gideon first begged her help.

Wrinkling her nose, Chandra pointed out," You're studying me."

He looked down to his tea and commented," People are fascinating puzzles."

"You're obsessed with puzzles and knowledge and stuff."

Looking to her like she had attempted to be revolutionary by claiming the sky was blue, Jace sipped his tea slowly waiting for her point. If there was anything known by any and every person he met, it was that he was curious and had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. That was as common knowledge as Chandra being known for her tremendous destructive capabilities.

"How's the tea?"

"Good."

That answer was a little underwhelming, and Chandra gave him a disappointed pout as she asked," It's not close at all, is it?"

"To the tea from my childhood? No, but I quite like the flavor."

"Okay, give me the memory," she instructed, adding on a please as an afterthought. "I'm ready this time. I've been dying to know."

She didn't know the half of it, he thought ruefully. He went through everyday, wading through the ruins of his once intact mind, sifting and hoping he might chance upon a memory unscathed enough or at least in large enough pieces to save.

"I don't know that I feel like giving it anymore," he said with a light shrug, hiding his smirk with another sip of tea. He knew he'd stir up some indignation at such a simple dismissal.

On the ball, Chandra snapped back," Then we'll trade."

"Trade memories?" It certainly wouldn't be the first time he took a detailed look at another's memory, but he rarely traded for it, and never with like items.

"Yeah, I can give you a memory from when I was a kid. Kinda fill your memory banks a little more."

She didn't know the extent of the damage to his mind, where memories for the most part faded, how a mage who could have everyone's thoughts if he wanted to, stored memory. She knew for a fact he could read others' memories, and he'd offered to give her his. Give and take; Sounded like the requirements to trading if she ever heard them.

"I thought you didn't like your childhood."

Chandra shrugged lazily. "It wasn't all bad."

Jace weighed the courses of action before him and pondered the pros and cons of going through with it, versus dropping out before they even brushed minds again. He didn't really need help filling up memory. He'd stolen enough snippets of people's minds and read enough literature to fill several minds with all the knowledge he'd accumulated. However; this was an opportunity to understand his teammate better. If he passed this up, he may never again get the chance to ethically take her history and view it at his leisure.

"Only if you're truly comfortable," he sagely responded. Jace didn't want to be a manipulative force in other's lives. He didn't want to be like the many he'd trusted and been betrayed by.

Puffing her chest and leaning forward with closed eyes so he could even more easily reach her face, she said," Yeah, get on with it."

His hand tentatively went to her cheek, just falling short of making contact. He was giving her time to flinch away. Chandra's orange eyes flashed open, taking in the hesitation. "Oh for gods' sake," she scoffed, snatching his hand in her own and closing the gap. Her vision fell to blue as she lived the moment in solitude, only a few sips of some exotic tea to be had before the memory collapsed on itself.

Chandra looked to him uneasily. He'd spoken rather fondly of the memory, but it didn't approach being happy. Such loneliness had clutched at his chest as he sat in a simple, bare room, drinking a pretty simple tea. She was no stranger to not fitting in, feeling the pang of isolation, but her happy memories were times that those problems fell away to better things.

A wistful smile captured Jace's face, him still wrapped in her memory and deciding to let it play naturally, in no rush to collect it and be on his way. "There's no fire under your skin," he commented, his glowing eyes searching as he looked around the mossy creek she'd found. 

Taken aback by the intimate knowledge he'd admitted to knowing, she stumbled over," I was… probably seven? I didn't always have my pyromancy." How did he know about the prickling always under her skin when she got excited? The tips of flame that would threaten to burst forth if she didn't focus herself? From Zendikar? All the way back when they were enemies?

His eyes dimmed back to their dark blue, almost inky in their depths. 

"That was beautiful…" He withdrew his hand, attending to the all but forgotten tea at their feet.

Chandra rolled her eyes, remembering how much trouble she and her friend got in for ruining their clothes in the mud. "My mother sure didn't think so."

"I imagine not." Jace chuckled, slightly as it may be, and Chandra did a double take. She never thought she'd see Jace laugh in any capacity without arrogance lending a hand. 

They finished their tea in silence, only broken by Jace as he tentatively said," If you wanted to exchange memories again sometime… I have precious few, but trading would be… nice." He settled on the particularly inelegant word for lack of anything else more fitting. There was a grand mastery to knowing when simple words would do.

Though not nearly to the lengths her companion was, Chandra was curious. It had gotten her in more than enough trouble before, but this seemed harmless enough. Nodding with a light shrug, she said," Sure, why not?"

Secrets got him nowhere, he was finding more and more, and withholding information needlessly left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I feel obliged to inform you this is largely out of curiosity. Your past informs who you are today. It's interesting to see events laid out that contribute to the woman you've become."

"I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about you. You're so dark and mysterious with that little moody scowl you wear all the time."

The scowl she spoke of showed itself and she laughed to herself quietly. Despite sharing such guarded memories and seeming rather affable now, the two of them barely knew each other in all honesty. This alliance was new, sitting so calmly with the mind mage who'd lashed against her brain back in Regatha, was very, very new. Grinning, she pointed out," This isn't exactly the normal way people get to know each other."

"No- no, it's not," he agreed, abruptly seeming more guarded again. He quietly poured her more tea before filling his own cup, denying eye contact as she tried to meet his eyes and get a better feel for what he was thinking.

"We're not normal people though," she said, a bit of a huff to her voice as he cowardly looked away despite her best efforts.

"No... we're not," he agreed.

"You need to stop doing that, that thing you do, when you close up."

Flicking his eyes up to meet hers, he smirked and echoed sarcastically," You need to stop doing that, that thing you do, when you burst into flame."

Growling as she looked up despite not being able to actually see her hair, she frustratedly patted the flames out. She would be angry, but she liked how his face softened.

"So," she began, putting away the plain tea set she'd brought. "Next week, Regathan ale?"

He grimaced lightly and said," That burns in the gut like live coals." Seeing her large smile flash her teeth, he gave in and agreed," And tea the next."

She put forth her hand for a sturdy shake, and Jace regarded it warily before taking it. This was a large commitment, and he didn't go back on his word.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not described in detail, but there's a less than pleasant injury coming up.

Holding the mug of ale that gave off its own heat, Jace passed it from hand to hand as it got too hot to handle in one. "I'm afraid my memories will pale in comparison to yours," he admitted, drawing only boring memories to the front of his mind. They weren't dull to him, but they were all that connected him to some life before the one he currently lived. He couldn't imagine they'd hold much interest of the pyromancer who had a life of adventure at her fingertips.

Raising her mug, Chandra waited for the cheers to be reciprocated before taking her first drink. "If I wanted more memories like mine, I'd go out and make some," she dismissed heartily.

That was true enough, Jace decided, his worries being put mostly to rest. He sipped at the burning liquid, settling on what he'd share for the day. His doubts that she'd find anything he had to share interesting were largely mollified, but that still left him unsure what he should share. 

"Alright, do you want all sunshine and roses, or some of the gritty details too?"

"Whatever you deem appropriate," Jace answered. He set the cup to the side, not wanting to hold it through a whole memory. "That teaches me more about you as well."

"Okay, then. I'm ready."

Jace reached forward, less hesitant but still halting before any contact was breached. "I have your permission?"

" _Nooo_ , I only said I'm ready, but _psych!_ "

His hand retracted and a solemn frown gripped him. "This will only work with complete honesty and trust."

"You've never seemed so key on this in the past," Chandra criticized, feeling attacked by his holier than thou attitude.

Jace tensed up, knowing full well she was completely aware how little regard he'd had for others' freedom and trust. The judgement didn't feel wholly fair; he'd been constructing himself from the ground up with no precedent from the point he found himself on Ravnica. "I don't want to misuse my magics as I have in the past."

Chandra drank somberly, eyeing the way Jace pulled away from the conversation, quietly dipping his head, his neck and shoulders tight. "Remember that thing I told you to stop doing?" Her comment was worth it if only for the glare she got in return.

"Clear your mind," he instructed softly. "Think of only the memory you want me to view." 

She closed her eyes and clicked her tongue. "Yup, got it."

"Now, do I have your permission?" The edge to his voice clearly reminded he wanted a serious answer.

With a sigh, she answered," Yes."

She felt the swinging of her legs, could see the brick wall of an old building, felt the concentration of doing complicated math in her head. The memory was short, and she was confused as it abruptly ended. "What were you doing?"

"Prime factoring," he answered abstractedly.

"What?"

"You know. Four times four is sixteen, and fours can be broken down into twos, so the prime factor of sixteen is two to the fourth power," he explained. He flinched in the middle of his explantation, him reliving one of her scraps with a wild beast of Kaladesh. Jace realized as he said this that he didn't actually know her level of education. Many planes didn't have proper education for the common folk, and many planeswalkers had disrupted childhoods. He hoped he wasn't being presumptuous and rude.

Scoffing, Chandra said," I know what prime factoring is. I was asking if that's really what you did for fun." She was the daughter of engineers, born to a plane that treasured artifact construction above all else. She knew basic math, and was even quite good at algebra when she took the time for it. The memory just hadn't been long enough to give enough context for her to figure out his goal after one viewing.

"My mistake," he offered, not sounding apologetic. "I do it to pass the time."

The simple explanation stuck out in her mind, and Chandra lost the flimsy focus she ever had on the her chosen memory. 

_"It may not need doing," Nissa admits, gingerly plucking dead leaves away. The weeds stayed; they had as much right to the land as any other plant. "But tending to nature passes time and brings you even closer to it."_

_You run your fingers through the tender leaves of a strange fern. You'd never cared for nature all that much, having your fill as a child and learning early on that greenery went up in flames brilliantly. When Nissa brought you here and helped you care for what she had so much passion for… it suddenly seems sacred. Her devotion to the land beneath her and its health is inspiring._

_You find a small patch of fruit and look back to Nissa. "You said to pick the purple berries, right?"_

_As she turns to you, your heart flutters, and as she walks over and places a hand over yours, you think your heart may have stopped all together. "Let me teach you a trick to harvesting these…"_

"Hey," Chandra roared. Her hair rose in flame, a scandalized blush coloring her cheeks. Gripping her cup of ale tightly, she shouted," That memory is special to me. It's private!"

"I'm not sifting through your mind," Jace defensively said, cutting the link as quickly as he could. The lashes of her anger had begun to cut at his mind, and he felt singed and weary. "I only saw what you showed me-!"

He closed his eyes at the sudden motion coming his way, not being quick enough as she splashed her drink at him. Jace let out a cry of pain as the ale scalded his face and stung in his eyes. Dropping to his side and clutching at his face, he didn't notice how she left, only that her storm of a mind was gone moments later.


	4. Chapter 4

Chandra saw Jace at breakfast the next morning, her stomach dropping as yesterday's outburst dragged itself through her mind. She sat on the far end of the dining table opposite Jace. Silence hung over the room, and Chandra found her breakfast exceptionally interesting despite how plain it was.

Her eyes would dart up to Jace occasionally though, always lingering a second or two longer than she intended as something seemed… Off.

His face was unmarred, his hair the same balance between kempt and messy. His clothes were nothing special, just some ravnican robes he often wore underneath his eye-catching jacket. It dawned on Chandra as the meal progressed that what stood out was that nothing did. She grimaced and thought to herself that she was beginning to sound like the jerk.

She almost choked on her food when she looked back up and saw his face splotched with raised red skin and yellowing blisters that ballooned impressively. His eyes looked particularly irritated, inflamed skin puffed up and his eyes matching the general coloration of his skin.

That looked like it hurt, she guiltily thought.

"It does," he darkly confirmed, setting his food to the side and resting his chin on folded hands carefully so burnt skin wasn't pulled at.

"Sorr—"

"Sorry doesn't restore my vision." He waited for her gasp before continuing," And it doesn't heal my blistered skin." The world was blurry while his eyes healed, but he'd been to embarrassed and secretive to go see any white mage to clear up what would surely take days in mere minutes.

"You should see a medic," she said, concern wrapping her words.

Angrily rising to his feet and slamming his hands to the table, he bellowed telepathically," _You're telling me what I should do?!_ "

Chandra held eye contact though her stomach curled uneasily.

In a low growl, he spat," I should have kept away from a loose cannon, with a mind so unhinged and rancorous it puts the storms of Dominaria to shame."

"Maybe you're right," she yelled. She collected her plate and utensils and got to her feet, ready to just leave him and his bellyaching to himself. "I never intended to hurt you. I forgot your skin was so weak, it didn't occur to me."

He glared up at her, and asked," You start most of your apologies with insults?" 

She elected to ignore his comment and continued. "You'd be right to say I can be rash, that I can't temper my anger well, and that I act too quickly, but I'm not unhinged or bitter. I tried to apologize, and maybe my words aren't really that elegant, and I'm too brash. I'm doing my best, okay? You have your demons, I have mine. I'm fighting every moment to be in control, and that control probably isn't anything compared to the clockwork of your mind, but frankly, fuck you."

She turned on her heels to leave, making quick and almost at the door by the time he could send out a mental plea for her to halt. "Wait," he said vocally. "Why don't we start over. I may have been a little critical. I want to put forth my grievances less brusquely."

Crossing her arms, Chandra turned back to him. He had his facade up again, covering the injury. It seemed dishonest, she felt, in direct contradiction to his insistence that they must be open with each other.

"I made sure to inform you that you should only think of what you wanted me to see. The link I was creating is a very open exposure. I thought it less invasive, since I wouldn't be sieving through your mental processes. I never meant to trespass into your valued memories that weren't meant for my eyes.

"I admit I was distracted, caught up in the vision, and your thought subtly shifted into a more current memory. I wasn't given the time to withdraw and explain myself before facing your… objection."

"Now can I get in a proper apology in?" she asked flatly, irritation coloring her question. Upon receiving a curt nod, she sighed and let her shoulders droop. Apologies were not her forté, and she really rather just burn down those that deserved one. "I'm sorry. You're right, I should have given you a moment to apologize before just blowing up at you. And—and the ale, I didn't think about it. Your burns look—they looked painful. I'm sorry." She rubbed at her neck; apologies were tedious.

He weighed her words before speaking. "Your apology is accepted, though it might take a while to forgive you."

"Well," she said with a nervous chuckle. "I guess next week's off, huh?"

"It would be a shame to let the tea I picked up to go to waste. It's a specialty of the Orzhov."

Chandra grimaced and asked," A touch of death pairs well with lemon and honey?"

"It's the tea from Dimir that you really need to watch out for," he joked.

She smiled weakly and nodded. "Okay, I look forward to it. I'll try not to scald your face off this time."

"That would be appreciated."


	5. Chapter 5

Chandra was surprised by how much she liked the tea. She was also surprised it was served cold; though little hot food was a major complaint of hers on this plane. The delicate sweetness was balanced with acrid bitterness, made more subtle by its being served chilled. She sardonically wondered if that was to prevent a potential face melt.

"I only have one more memory intact from before Ravnica," Jace said.

Chandra looked to Jace disbelievingly. Only a handful of memories of his entire childhood and adolescence?

He gave a rueful smile and shrugged. "Everything else is only flashes of information, scents, colors, nothing concrete enough to hold onto," he expounded. It actually hurt to search further in his mind, to attempt to patch together anything of substance.

Chandra tried to come up with something to say, but what did she say to someone baring something that obviously caused him a great deal of discomfort to talk about? He played it off, but she knew the discomfort of talking about the gritty realities of the past.

"I don't want this to end though…" Jace felt his cheeks warm and his palms get sweaty. This was so much more personal than he had ever intended to get with another in the Gatewatch. "I really feel I'm getting to know you."

That, and he was finding himself able to confide in another, and thus far she hadn't tried to kill him or betray him. He wondered what it said about his life and decision making that such a thing was a rarity.

"It doesn't have to be childhood," she decided. They'd just agreed to share memories. She was the one to specify she'd share childhood memories, but all he agreed to was trading.

"Okay," he agreed uncertainly. His recent life was so guarded, and it felt awkward to share something that wasn't distanced by time. Something she may potentially be connected to or have opinions about. 

"And if you don't feel like showing me a memory, we could just talk sometimes. No pressure."

This instilled the peace he needed to feel comfortable enough to share his final childhood memory. "It's not particularly happy," he warned.

Chandra found herself wondering, what's new? She flashed a grin, thinking of exactly what to share. She was an adventurous child, and she had a feeling he was no adrenaline junkie.

Recalling the dangling feeling, his hand's grip beginning to slip, Jace actively kept his face impassive as he opened the skimming link and let her view the memory. It was a shame that his memory ended at their feet as he looked below and scanned up to them, some arbitrary group of people. Perhaps if he could at least see their clothes, he'd been able to piece more together about the world he was from. The floating ring beneath him meant nothing to him, though he didn't know how important it was to the plane.

Their words were brief, just calling him a freak and calling his name jeeringly, or maybe it was just in their thoughts; in the panic of the moment he couldn't tell. For an event that he could only assume was life altering, it was frustrating how little information he could actually pick out from it.

It was coincidental both their memories revolved around heights, though Chandra's was much more light hearted. She looked to Jace and bluntly said," I'd wondered if Jace was your real name or just something you picked up here."

"I suppose your real name is a bit of a matter of perspective," he said," But yes, it's probably the one I was given at birth." It was entirely possible it was vulgar slang on some plane and they were just taunting him. Regardless, he considered it his, a part of his identity, so it was his real name.

She was in no rush to drink her tea, knowing it wasn't going to go cold on her, so she leisurely took a sip. He followed suit, enjoying the silence that spread between them for a short while. It was only broken as he chuckled and commented," You're lucky you didn't break a leg in your memory."

She stuck out her tongue quickly before protesting," Luck had nothing to do with it. That was all skill."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for light language and questionable medical expertise
> 
> This chapter works off of two big assumptions. One: since these planeswalkers are still humans, they are vulnerable to the same innate troubles humans like us are. Two: while maybe not able to master arts outside of their fields of expertise, mages can still dabble and use minor tricks from their mana color.

" _Jace!_ "

The mental scream startled Jace from his reading, the mind-mage not expecting a telepathic cry in the Gatewatch's building. Abandoning his desk, he extinguished the lantern he'd relied on for reading and called," _Once more…_ "

He hadn't gotten a lock on the first cry, but upon the next call of his name, Jace quickly left his desk and headed into the hall. The voice was surprisingly familiar, and he sent out a tentative," _Chandra, is that you?_ "

" _If you ask any more useless questions, I will burn your eyebrows off._ "

That was Chandra alright.

" _I'll be right there_ ," he promised, rounding a corner and making good by his word. Her personal quarters were just a minute's more run. His mind had been searching from the first call, and it was immediately apparent the great pain his caller was suffering, so much so it had discombobulated him enough to not even initially recognize Chandra's mental mark.

He could feel he was approaching her room quite a way's away. Not only was the agony ripping at his raised mental shield, but the physical world also gave ample sign as well. It was hard to breathe the stifling air, the heat seeping from under her door so hot the pictures hanging on the stone walls beginning to crack and warp. Even raising a mana-fueled barrier didn't take all the blistering heat away.

While long healed, his face ached as the sensitive skin of previous burns came into contact with the singeing air. He couldn't get much closer, not like this. Drawing forth an illusion of himself, he marched it forth, emulating the same concern and reactions to his environment the real Jace Beleren would if he could manage her frenzied flames.

Chandra looked to the illusion, gasping painfully and calling," Jace, my stomach, it's going to explode." Her very skin gleamed like molten magma as steam escaped her eyes. Fire roiled from her body, curling up the walls and crackling anywhere it could gather against the current.

" _I can't help you if I can't enter this room. Your flames are too great_ ," Jace informed her, miming the illusions mouth to match up with the telepathy.

"What? You sent a damned illusion to help me?"

" _To speak to you, yes. You need to calm down so I can help you._ "

"I _can't_ ," she barked. She could take pain with the best of them, but it all resulted in flames. Fire was her way to deal with the stress beyond what she could handle. It was just habit by this point as much as she sometimes regretted it.

" _Calm yourself, or I will for you_ ," he said gravely, squaring the illusion's shoulders formidably.

Jace could only hope she wouldn't call his bluff. Light perusing of her mind was one thing, stripping out memories was manageable, but attempting to control the powerhouse of raw emotion was stretching even his abilities. He didn't want to resort to drastic measures.

Chandra angrily blew a small flame at the illusion, dismissing it before the flame could even make contact, but breathed in deeply and concentrated hard on her breathing. Ending her own font of flames, she went a step further and began to extinguish the flames that clung to furniture and carpets with each breath out. In her peripheral vision, she could see the real Jace enter.

Spitting forth a tepid flame at him, one that dispersed easily before it reached him, she smiled weakly and said," Wanted to make sure it was the real you this time." Her brow was crinkled in pain, making the smile less convincing.

It was still hard to breathe for Jace, filtering the smoky, hot air through the sleeve of his evening robes. His eyes were watering as they stung, sweat only aggravating the problem. Opening a small rift, Jace began to ventilate the room. At Chandra's side, he could feel heat still pouring from her, and noticed the wisps of steam that would hiss at her eyes.

"My stomach was hurting all day, but I figured I could just sleep it off," she began, gritting her teeth. 

Jace's mind was instantly whirring through all the literature he'd read on medicine, but he was equally focused on figuring out the best means of transporting her to a proper medic. Teleportation and its ilk were definitely out. That was dangerous enough with stable conditions, and treacherous with injury.

Resolving to keep her distracted first and foremost as he worked on his plans he asked softly," How does it hurt?"

"I don't know? It just hurts."

He rolled his eyes and offered some suggestions. "Sharp, dull, aching…"

"Sharp, like a basted dagger is trying to escape."

That was a little more helpful. "Can you point where?"

She nodded and placed a hand near her right hip. Biting her lip, she said," It flares up worse than me when I try to move."

He crossed his arms as he thought about the barebones information he had to work with now. "You said it hurt all of today?"

"Ye—!" Jace momentarily feared he'd be caught and roasted in flame, but she managed it to just her hair. "Yes," she bit out, labored breathing dragging out the word. If her pain wasn't enough to cause such fatigue, the minutes upon minutes of full volcanic expulsion was.

She thought about it more, and shook her head. "But I had a stomach ache yesterday. They mi—"

"—might be connected," Jace finished with her. "No doubt. Such severe pain following a simple stomach ache is not typical." Reaching his hand near her, back of his hand out, he determined he probably wouldn't burn too quickly upon contact and asked," May I touch your stomach?"

She glared at him, knowing full well she was in for pain, but she nodded reluctantly, her hair blackening in the soot of what was once her pillow. A surprising sigh of relief left her as a frigid hand pressed lightly to her stomach. It was followed by a hiss as the pain came back the second the pressure was removed.

Every channel of Jace's mind was on high alert as he came to his conclusion. She needed a medic _now_. From the reading he'd done, he could only erringly guess, but if he had to put money on it, he'd go with appendicitis. If that was correct, time was not on her side. She'd said she'd already had a stomach ache yesterday, putting her well into the danger zone of rupturing. Possible courses of action began to spiral through his mind, only being cut off by Chandra.

"Don't look like that! You're freaking me out."

Collecting himself, though he was sure he only had looked studious on the outside, he began," I believe it's your appendix that's the problem."

"What the fuck is an appendix?"

"An organ," he answered incredulously, his light panic leaving him forgetful that while literate, Chandra probably didn't study as varied of topics as he did.

"What does it do?"

"Not a whole lot."

Now it was her turn to look at him ridiculously, and he shrugged. "It probably once did something." Word was that simic mages had found a way to make it store minerals for lean winters.

"Well, now it's pissing me off," she huffed, trying not to focus on the pain, but failing. She couldn't hold back flames much longer.

Despite coming to this diagnosis, Jace had to admit he was no white mage. He couldn't be sure in anything he was saying or doing, and he lacked faith in all of the proposals he was conjuring for himself. What was the right course of action? 

Of course, seeing a healing mage was the best course of action, but at this time of night, finding someone would be difficult and even just trying to get her into town proper would be time consuming and a challenge he didn't relish. He feared the outburst that would accompany the bursting of her appendix.

"I don't think I can hold back much longer…"

Already her eyes glowed a warm amber, and small locks of hair began to raise in flame. Jace placed a hand to her forehead, his own eyes glowing brightly.

"What are you doing?" she asked in awe, as her shoulders relaxed and her hair settled.

"Rerouting your ability to sense pain," he answered distractedly.

"You should have done this earlier," she complained.

"I fear it takes quite the toll to weather your mind."

She rolled her eyes and said," I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"Good. It was," he said, removing his hand and looking back the the abdomen. Teleportation was out of the question, and they may not have hours before it burst. Only one other feasible option had dawned on him, and he swallowed nervously. He lacked conviction in himself. Of course as a tactical thinker, it was good to question one's own plans and strategies, but now it only hindered him. Either he should have start on getting her to a medic ten minutes ago, or he should go through with what he'd devised.

"I'm going to remove your appendix," he announced, leaping and looking later. He didn't have the time to debate this to a perfect conclusion. The time for action was now.

"Sure, why not, I'm sure I have plenty of appendices to go around."

" _Appendixes_ , and no, you've only got one, but if I'm right, you won't much longer anyways."

She raised a hand in a flippant, _well by all means_.

Closing his eyes before reopening them with secondary sight, he warned," This may very well be one of the weirdest things you've ever felt."

"You're one of the weirdest people I've ever met," she replied, snarking for the sake of distraction, though she winced at how he may have taken it. It was poignantly ignored, or perhaps that was just her worry showing itself. He could have just been somberly determined and not noticed.

He could never master it, but time to use the little skill he'd learned from the Dimir. The total tally of tasks on his mind was rather great as he made his hand intangible and sunk it in her side. Raised shield against her unintentional mental onslaught, subduing her ability to sense pain, selective intangibility, and clairvoyance into her abdomen so he contacted only what he intended to move: it was rather taxing, but he focused with the serene calm that only came to him as pushed his abilities to the limits with such resolve. His doubts were cast away with the grim realization that whatever was done was done.

It was uncomfortably simple as he probed for the small appendage of the intestines and cupped it in his ethereal hand. Pressing his thumbnail down, much like fishers did to their bait, he easily pulled the appendix into intangible space and removed his hand, holding the organ out proudly.

She stared at it, her stomach coiling as she cognitively realized that what he held used to be connected to her insides. "That's what's been causing all of this?" 

"I hope so," Jace answered, looking to it uneasily. It was hot and slimy as it became tangible again. He jerked with a start as it was engulfed in flame, his hand conveniently not burning in spite of the sudden warmth. As the flames died, he found the organ unmarred and remarked," That's interesting."

"It's a pity, is what it is," she mumbled.

Feeling the great tax on his body and mind, Jace excused," I can't maintain all of my enchantments. I'm going to have release pain back to you."

Chandra nodded in understanding, bracing herself and grimacing but keeping control as the pain flooded over her again. "Can you put me to sleep?" She asked, looking to his weary face and feeling a little needy. Almost instantly, her eyes drooped and she felt warm and safe darkness envelop her.


	7. Chapter 7

Jace waited in the corner of the room as the properly trained mage did their work. He'd been thoroughly scolded for recklessly taking medicine into his own hands, but also commended for the same with the comment that had he waited they may be cleaning up a much larger mess. It was good for his peace of mind, and perhaps a little much for his ego, to know he'd made the right call and performed admirably.

Getting Chandra to a white mage had been no small feat, but it was necessary; he'd been right to worry about infection. Now he sat slumped in his chair, exhausted beyond what a non-planes-ending event should have called for.

"Well, you didn't kill me. That's good news to wake up to," Chandra joked softly as opened her eyes and found Jace waiting. He wasn't quite at her bedside, sitting in what seemed to be the farthest corner of the room, but he was waiting for her, even after all he did earlier.

She felt completely healed up, no pain in the slightest, though drowsy enough to fall right back asleep.

"No, but if you ask her, I sure tried," he amusedly admitted. Their healer was not his biggest fan, and she'd made sure he'd known

Chandra laughed lightly as she sat up in bed. She rubbed at her eyes and stretched. She was tired, yes, but it felt she'd been asleep for days. "How long was I out?"

"Seven hours maybe?" Jace rounded for the sake of ease, though he knew to the very minute. With an exhausted sigh, he got to his feet and trudged closer, taking a chair just beside her.

"You look awful," she said with a touch of concern.

"Thank you," he sardonically replied.

"I should really be thanking you. I probably would have managed to burn down the whole wing even though it was stone if you hadn't stepped in."

Jace shrugged, not knowing what to do with such heartfelt gratitude from his often flippant friend.

Chandra took in the less reserved and more relaxed body language with interest. He never slouched outside of reading and writing. "I didn't know if it would work, honestly, calling out like that." Her relief when he spoke back had curbed the flames for a few seconds.

"I don't know that one would have had to been telepathic to hear a cry that loud, mental or not."

She smiled sheepishly, blushing at the thought that it had been quite the cry for help. She'd awoken so pained, so unable to move, she hadn't known what else to do. Turning to Jace had been easy, she realized with a little surprise. They'd really gotten to know each other and spent so much time in each other's heads. Well, perhaps 'really' was an overstatement, but she knew him better than she was able to know most, these days. The life of a planeswalker was lonely and secretive.

Chandra looked away embarrassedly, saying," Well, hopefully no one else heard. I don't want anyone to know about this." A click of the tongue brought her gaze back to Jace, and she saw a vaguely guilty smile flash across his face. "Who," she demanded.

"I may have sent for Nissa," he admitted, shrinking in his chair as Chandra gave him a look of pure murder. He quickly excused," I figured she'd hold interest in your health an-"

" _Jace_ , she doesn't know," Chandra hissed, her ears beginning to grow warm as her flush spread. 

Quirking an eyebrow, Jace smirked and said," I wouldn't make such a sure claim."

Shock hit her and she asked," What do you mean by that?" She was almost cutting herself off as she hastily followed up with," What are you doing being in our minds?"

"I can't help that the lot of you all think louder than Izzet scientists," Jace retorted, fighting down the immediate spark of shame he could only fend off partially with reason. Without relying on deep meditation, it was impossible to completely drown out the world of thought around him. Even when actively trying not to, he still caught snippets here and there, and any staggering emotions or motives were sure to stand out. Few guarded their thoughts well enough, notable exceptions like Liliana and Tezzeret aside. 

"But, so, you've seen that she likes me…?"

Hating the implicit fault he was always walking along, the easy potential to abuse his powers and distance himself from others when they knew the truth of it all, Jace snapped," First you're begging for privacy, now you want me to divulge people's innermost secrets. Should I go tell her your heart flutters like a schoolgirl when she looks at you?"

As the words finished leaving his mouth, he sighed with disappointment at himself, draping a hand over his eyes. "Please forgive that outburst. It's been a long day for me; I'm rather fatigued." Chandra had a special gift for bringing out his worst repartee, and Jace felt like it was perhaps because he felt he could be truly honest with her, but none the less he felt bad for snapping at her.

Chandra looked down to her hands in her lap, shaking her head and quietly muttering," It's fine." Looking up to him, eyes searching the weariness in his eyes, she commented," It must be hard, going through everyday like that."

"You get used to it," Jace dismissed, knowing what she meant. It _was_ hard dealing everyday with the careful line of privacy he treaded. It was hard going through everyday being aware just how fearsome the people around him thought he was.

"Not easily, I'd guess."

He handwaved her concern, saying," I'm sure it's not easy worrying about your hair catching fire either. We all have little burdens."

His didn't seem so little. Not that hers was, either, but at least she could usually temper out the 'burden' with a few calming breaths. She found most the times she couldn't, she was glad for the assist her natural fire gave her. Last night was an anomaly.

"Well," he sighed, getting to his feet and trying to play off the woozy feeling he got with a lopsided grin. "I guess I better leave you be now. You should have another visitor soon." He gave a knowing look, and chuckled as Chandra looked furtively to the door.

"I have to look just awful," she whispered angrily, back to being mad at Jace for calling her crush here.

He leaned in close and brushed a few strands of hair that were looping the wrong way at her part, a little envious how easily her hair fell to looking groomed. "You just had some ameture perform surgery on you and woke up after about four hours of healing magic to clean up his mess. You look great, considering."

"Considering? You should have left it at great! That's not comforting at all!"

His smirk fell to a genuine smile, and he assured her," You look great." He opened a small piece of his carefully constructed wall, letting her feel the sincerity. He withdrew his hand to his side, almost dropping it to her shoulder in a friendly manner first but deciding against it. Keeping to himself was so easy to fall back to, no matter how hard he tried not to.

Giving a final wave to a mildly bewildered pyromancer, Jace made his exit and eagerly went to his bed to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

"Why don't we just talk today," Jace asked, still recovering from his tiring use of power a few days back. He _could_ continue the tradition they'd come to follow, but he wouldn't be able to enjoy her memory, or perhaps _appreciate_ was more accurate when considering some of what she'd shared. He had not been a particular fan of her memory where she decided to find out if she could fly with use of her flames.

Chandra shrugged and said," Fine by me." She brought a tea that reminded her of Keral Keep in the streets of Ravnica. She'd been warned against any difficult lifting or magic for at least a week after appendse—appedec—her something 'omy. She figured that included planeswalking, too.

Jace took his first sip and could barely hide his grimace at the taste. Looking to Chandra, he was relieved to see she didn't appear to savor it either. This had to be the cheapest tea he could remember drinking in all his life. To be fair, he couldn't remember a good deal of his life.

"It reminds me of the Keep," she explained, smirking at the nonplussed expression Jace bore. 

_I see I like Regathan tea as much as I like its ale_ , Jace snarkily thought, but avoided saying aloud so as not to trample over loosely tied resolutions. "It's good to find small joys like links between planes," Jace more charitably ventured. "But this is one link I'd rather skip."

Chandra giggled and took out a small bundle from her bag. "It goes down a lot better with loads of sugar. You just had to try it by itself first, though. I guess it was hard to grow tea in the mountains around the Keep, and trade wasn't real great."

Jace accepted the sugar offered his way and made an almost drinkable beverage out of his tea. 

"Isn't crazy to think how much power we wield, and yet how easily we can be undone?"

Jace looked to Chandra curiously. "You mean your appendicitis?"

She shrugged. "Everything, I guess. We're mages, and strong ones at that, but we can be hurt. Sometimes I think it's easy to forget we're just human." Chandra's cadence had been solemn and thought out but it flipped on its head to panicked and rushed as she squeaked out," I didn't m-mean…!" Mortified dread was etched into her face.

It took a second for Jace to follow her train of thought, and he amusedly assured her," I didn't take it like that." It was a little funny to watch as she embarrassedly dismissed her own worry, running a hand through her hair, not only as a nervous adaptor but also to catch potential firey tips.

"In all my years, I've yet to forget I'm human. Well, probably." He winked on the last word. This kind of open humor felt so good, so different. He was always insecurely hiding himself away and it was refreshing to be able to joke about what he couldn't even admit to most people he met.

It was even better as she laughed along.

"I never knew before all of this that you had a sense of humor," Chandra ribbed.

Jace shrugged sheepishly, mumbling," I try." Looking down to his tea, he forced himself to take another drink. Seeking a topic not about him or his aptitude for humor, Jace asked, "What do the Kaladesh cities look like?" All she'd shown him were inside buildings or in what she vaguely described as the wilds.

"Lots of swirls," she said with a disinterested wave of a hand. "Even more brass. It was gaudy and over the top. Just like their rules."

Jace nodded, remembering her describing that pyromancy was forbidden within the cities. That had to sit just grandly with the young pyromancer. The factories filled with ingenious creations and artifact centric life interested Jace, but he doubted she wanted to hear it right now.

"What's it like to wake up with no memory?" Seeing how his eyes widened and his shoulders tensed, Chandra quickly assured," You don't have to answer."

"I know I don't," he said," but you've talked so openly of your home plane, and I can't return the favor."

"Regatha is home, Kaladesh is just where I was born," Chandra corrected, though Jace felt she probably had a little more regard for the plane than she let on.

"I'm sure this is going to seem obvious, but it's confusing. Overwhelming." He watched her tilt her head, clearly interested in what he said and waiting on more. "You know that confusion any new plane brings; not knowing the customs, being slow to pick up slang. It was like that, but worse. I had no past experience to make educated guesses with. I was trying to shuffle along with the crowd, but my mind was in tatters. I couldn't shut people out, I had the skill but had lost the practice.

"I suppose few know _why_ they're here, but I didn't even know _how_. I knew I was an outsider, it was obvious in every mind I passed, and I couldn't say how I got here. All I could do was weave excuses based on others' expectations." With a little time, he'd managed to blend seamlessly, and live quite comfortably, but he couldn't admit how to Chandra, so he left it out.

Chandra may have been known for her destructive rage and hot-headedness, but she was a lot more keen than most gave her credit for. Several times after discussing the past, Jace had shut down like he was in the process of doing now. Keeping eyes down, speaking more quietly, little animation to his body language. He was ashamed, and she wondered why. This would have probably been quite a while before they met at Keral Keep, but she wondered what lead a planeswalker to searching out a scroll for stealing when they had no personal interest like she and the monks did.

Debating if she should say anything, Chandra finally bit the bullet and said," I'm guessing you don't much like how you managed to blend in."

"It didn't seem so wrong at the time," he whispered. His grip on his tea cup had grown tense enough that the porcelain cup began to shake. A warm hand enveloped his, stilling the tremor and drawing his attention upwards.

"We've all done things we're not proud of," she said softly.

He broke contact, setting his cup down and standing. Raising his hood, Jace took a few seconds to make sure his voice was under control, then said," I should probably head back. I need to review some appeals from the Simic and Izzet." While it was true he had Guildpact duties the following morning, he was fooling neither of them with his real motivation to get going.

"Right," Chandra accepted easily, cleaning up the tea set quietly. "But you know it would probably do you good to get what's bothering you off your chest." It could downright suck to be brutally honest with oneself, but her study with the monks taught her there was no escaping the past. Gideon had helped her face it and move on. One could only promise the future and do everything in their power to keep those promises.

She was pointedly paid no heed, and Chandra scowled. "Ignoring me is even dumber than ignoring the past." That earned a response.

Eyes glowing, Jace quickly muttered an incantation and disappeared.

Chandra didn't think it was teleportation, not nearly enough mana around her had been drawn, but he was certainly gone for all intents and purposes as far as she was concerned. Exhaling a little angrily, she shouldered her bag and walked back to the sanctum herself.

~~  
~~

She didn't see Jace for three days, plenty of excuses he was busy with Ravnican law flying around to various teammates, noticeably evading having to tell her directly. Chandra didn't regret the question she asked, or the statement she made at the end, only that they must not have been as close as she thought they were. What excuse for a friend made the other walk home alone and subsequently refused contact for days with no proper explanation?

He didn't even have the guts to say he was plain offended or hurt. She'd back off, she could take a hint, but she wasn't happy about it. If he was upfront with her, maybe she'd have a less bitter taste in her mouth.

"Something's wrong," Nissa observed lightly, not looking up from the instrument she was plucking at. She had no clue how to play a lute, but she was determined to figure out the fifteen stringed instrument. Through trial and error she was able to reconstruct a simple melody she'd heard often while she was with the Tajuru elves. 

Looking back to Nissa, unable to conceal an affectionate smile as she saw the other so intent on learning the lute, she assured," It's nothing big." If she could just forget about the mind mage for a while, there was nothing to stop today from being wonderful. Chandra was sure glad she picked up that lute on a whim while remembering Nissa mentioning she loved music.

"Something doesn't have to be big to be a problem," Nissa said sagely, repeating a couple of notes and only changing out slight variations of sharps and flats until she thought she might have got the tune in the right key. "And someone doesn't need telepathy to know your brewing about a certain telepath."

Sighing, Chandra asked," Am I so transparent?" She didn't get a response other than a small smirk and let out an embarrassed whine. 

"I tend to think of it more as awe inspiring." Her fingers fell still over the strings. Looking Chandra in the eyes, her eyes crinkled with warmth as she continued," The sublime are seldom subtle." 

Chandra's heart skipped a beat and she floundered for words to reply with. Her cheeks grew warm, and she swallowed nervously. Nissa saw her as sublime?

"Would you sing with me?"

"I don't know any songs," Chandra excused, tucking her hair behind her ear timidly. None that she would share, anyways. People would be hard pressed to call Chandra shy, but they would also find it just as difficult to remember a time she'd ever sang publicly outside of chants which she was notoriously bad at.

"Anything will do, just hum whatever you like. I'll follow you." She strummed the lute in complement to her claim.

It was apparent they were both novices, often falling too close in melody or hitting awkward ranges together, but to Chandra it was beautiful. They locked eyes in the midst of a song, and suddenly she saw what Jace had hinted was there. Nervous elation trembled in her chest, and she began to hum a little sharp.

Nissa smiled tenderly and followed the key shift to the best of her ability, continuing their duet as the sun set.


	9. Chapter 9

"It's not unusual for him to keep himself locked up for a while," Gideon dismissed. "He does have a habit of finding himself wrapped up in riddles and research."

Chandra restrained herself from retorting it was unusual for him to avoid _her_ this long. She crossed her arms and said," I know, but I'm just worried. He was already being cagey, and now none of us have seen him in _weeks_."

"A week and four days," he clarified. With a strum to the lute she'd brought to him, he discerned just how out of tune it was. Music was no gift of his, but octaves were clearly ordered and with just a touch of his mana spun into the instrument, he was able to individually pluck the strings into their correct tune.

Chandra snatched away the lute as it was handed back to her, huffing to herself and scowling. "Okay, but I haven't seen him in weeks." Two weeks seemed awfully long when they disrupted a previous agreement that had held up for almost two months. Jace just stopped showing up like he'd promised.

Gideon sighed and said," I don't know what you want me to say. There is no conflict to attend to. Even the City of Guilds has seemed at peace. We should leave him to his studies."

"Maybe," Chandra gave in slightly. She looked away in time to miss a slight falter in his smile. He fixed it however, a firm resolution that there was nothing to worry about reasserting itself.

Gideon clapped a hand over her shoulder and assured her," We're all together in this oath. Should the need arise, he'll be here for us. I have my faith in him."

Chandra wasn't worried about Jace's ability to be there for them, she was worried they weren't being there for him. Placing her hand over his, she smiled half-heartedly. "I know he will be. It would just do my mind good to know what he's up to and that he's eating enough. That stick's got nothing on his bones."

Gideon laughed in agreement. "If I see him, I'll remind him to eat," he promised. "In the meantime, he's gotten this far in life. I'm sure he's holding up fine."

Something seemed off with how Gideon kept evading the consideration of checking on Jace. She never knew the hieromancer to avoid togetherness, and while he wasn't explicitly saying they should all be apart, he was taking a rather freedom-based stance she would expect more out of herself than her order-driven teammate.

"I'm sure you're right," she dismissed, not believing her own words. She raised the newly tuned lute and said," Thanks for the tuning. At some point one of us is going have to figure out how to do it the old fashioned way."

"Well, until then, I'm happy to help."

They said quick goodbyes, and Chandra decided to take matters into her own hands.

~~  
~~

" _You can come see me, but please silence yourself._ "

Chandra fell silent, in her mind as it happened to be. She'd remembered the mage's comment that her mental yells stood out rather well, and had decided to hell with it, she might as well mentally scream until she got the attention she desired. Her vision dimmed with a blue haze ever so slightly and a white path sprawled before her.

She followed the path he laid for her, finding herself walking down corridors and stairwells she'd never explored. Sometimes, she sweared the halls were changing as she rounded corners, leading to going down the same halls but in different patterns until she eventually reached a small room that called no attention to itself.

Entering with a little trepidation, she found it plain and cold, the damp air of the basement clinging uncomfortably at her skin. She found him hunched over a large, old tome, holding his head in his hands and resting his elbows on the desk.

"Jace?" Her voice echoed loudly in her ears, and she whispered an apology as he flinched. She kept her voice low and walked closer. "Are you okay?"

"I've had a migraine since the day we last spoke and someone has been shrieking for the last hour," he grit out, not moving an inch to even look at her as she approached.

"I was not shrieking," she said, slightly affronted by his word choice. "I was yelling."

"And my head is throbbing, not pulsing," he mocked, making light of semantics.

With a hand on her hip, Chandra huffed," I haven't seen you in forever, how was I supposed to know?" He had the audacity to completely shut her out and be upset by her methods of seeking him out?

He remained still, and Chandra frustratedly demanded," Would you look at me?"

Jace complied, in a way. He rose his head, but his eyes darted away before he could make solid eye contact. She wasn't sure if he could see anyways, his eyes glowing light blue, his dark irises completely obscured.

He looked tired, too tired for a man of his apparent age. Chandra shoved his book to the side and sat on his desk, ignoring the small protest he gave. He'd have to speak up if he wanted something out of her; she was done with his silence.

He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms uncomfortably and bowing his head. Her personal bubble was obviously smaller than his, and despite the open space around them, he felt crowded by her close presence.

"Okay, headaches suck," Chandra began, clearly not understanding the staggering difference between mere headaches and migraines. "But what's going on with you? Have you been down here this whole time?"

"I'm stuck," he confided. "I began thinking about my first while on Ravnica. I must have opened some old wounds." Despite the implied metaphor, he meant it literally. The scarring on his mind was very real and physical to the mind mage. An edge of horror crept in voice as he said," I'm trapped in these cycles of thought; I haven't slept since."

Chandra stared at him with wide eyes. She didn't quite follow what he meant completely, but she sure understood there was a horrific reality he was trapped in. "You mean to tell me you haven't slept in two weeks? Have you ate?"

Jace crumpled to his desk, muttering something under his breath.

"Jace, c'mon, stay with me here." She snapped her fingers.

With an exasperated edge to his voice, he whispered," Chandra. It's really hard to answer your questions when I'm experiencing six different memories at the same—…" he cut off for no apparent reason, one hand gripping the corner of the desk tightly enough the knuckles yellowed.

She repeated his name, grabbing his shoulder worriedly. Her thanks was to be telekinetically thrown from the table. Righting herself quickly and marching up to Jace, she asked," What was that for?"

"I need to stop thinking," he gasped, a slightest betrayal of a sob to his voice. He gasped again in surprise as he felt a hand seize his collar and lift him out of his chair. The light in his eyes went out with him as Chandra clubbed his head with her balled fist.

Fixing her grip so she had hold of one arm and one leg, she hefted him onto her shoulders and began to walk to his personal library.


	10. Chapter 10

She had barely left the room when he sputtered to consciousness again. "For future reference, I'd appreciate if we could avoid head trauma. I don't need anymore help with memory loss."

Chandra grimaced. She hadn't thought of that; she was just going the only method she knew to make someone shut up for a bit. "Sorry about that," she responded sheepishly. "But did it work?"

"More or less."

She looked ahead with a nonplussed expression. There he went being vague and closed up.

"Can you put me down? I'd like to walk wherever we're going on my own two feet."

Chandra came to a stop, carefully setting his feet to the group and letting him plant himself before letting go. He woozily held onto her shoulder as she straightened up, his grip shaky at best. "You sure you want to walk there on your own," she asked with a touch of pitying amusement. Wow, some people just not react well to a little unconsciousness.

"I could use a little assistance," he admitted, appreciating as she linked arms with him.

They made slow progress, having to stop twice so Jace could lean against a wall and fight off a bout of nauseousness. Alright, Chandra learned her lesson. No more percussive maintenance to Jace Beleren, glass jaw extraordinaire. She was probably being a little harsh. He'd just gone through two weeks of no sleep, he should be cut a little slack, but she was still a little entertained by how affected he was by a little love tap.

Arriving at the personal library, she helped him to the couch she'd had in mind to let him rest up on before he'd awoken. Not nearly as large as the library the team had taken over for group meetings and meals, this one seemed a little more cozy to Chandra. She didn't know how he felt about one over the other, but she thought it'd be a nice little retreat to recover in. He lost his balance as he tried to sit down, pulling her with him and ending up side by side.

Jace looked over to her wearily, and she wasn't really sure he was taking anything in as he blinked slowly. He looked like death warmed over. With two more blinks, he sunk forward, cheek meeting her shoulder and staying there.

Chandra froze in surprise, then flusteredly decided to stay. His face was edging a little close to her chest, but he wasn't conscious to enjoy it and he needed to sleep.

When he woke up, he was laying across her lap, her elbows poking into his back. He startled, jarring her arms and waking her up in the process. She pushed him to the floor out of instinct and he was the one to speak up first with," Sorry."

"N-no, sorry," she fumbled back, offering a hand up. Helping him back to the couch, she observed he still seemed shaky, though not nearly as bad. "When's the last time you ate?"

"I honestly don't know," he replied, rubbing at his head sorely. He had a goose egg from where she'd clubbed him. It had spiked in pain as he hit the floor.

"Let's get you food. Then we can talk."

Jace closed his eyes as he settled into the corner of the couch and and mumbled," I can't make it to the kitchen." 

"Okay, I'll go get you food. I swear if you disappear before I get back, I will scream so loudly in your head, your ears will ring."

He took the threat seriously and nodded as much as his head could take.

~~  
~~

It had taken her awhile to come back, and she wasn't surprised to find him sleeping when she did. When he awoke half an hour later, he wasn't pleased that she'd set the plate of bread and jam on a pile of his books, but he knew saying something about it would be fruitless. The whole of the Gatewatch seemed to get some unwitting pleasure out of pushing his boundaries with his books.

"None of your books have any interesting pictures," she complained as she heard moving about. Chandra didn't look up from the book that sort of captured her interest.

As he half heartedly began to nibble at some bread, he said," Sure they do. That one you're reading has an detailed picture of a thopter on page 312."

"You have it memorized," she asked flatly, leafing through the pages until sure enough she found the picture of the thopter. She pouted at it; the thopter wasn't what she would call very interesting. She'd seen more intricate designs welded by the hands of children.

"Every tome in this library."

She closed the book and hefted it to the floor at her her feet. "You need a hobby."

"Reading's my hobby."

She looked to him with an expression that questioned his sanity. He needed a new hobby if he'd already memorized every page in this little library. There had to be hundreds of books here. Dropping it though, she asked," What did you do to everyone? No one else seemed concerned with your absence. I couldn't even talk them into looking for you."

"Notice that, did you?" He stopped eating to give her his undivided attention and bit his lip. "I, uh, cast a small enchantment. Just one that diverted interest. Unless someone was dead set on looking for me, I wouldn't be spared a second thought. Well, maybe a second, but definitely not a third."

Chandra indignantly asked." Were you trying to get yourself killed? What if no one ever came looking for you and you just wasted away?" 

"I was trying to get some _peace_. I couldn't shut out minds around me as it got worse," he bit back, not liking the accusatory tone.

Raising her hands, spreading the fingers and lowering them like she was trying to control a flaring fire, she said," Okay, why don't we calm down a little and talk about this rather than just jump to fighting. I don't think you want your library in cinders, memorized or no."

"You'd be right," he said with a deep breath. He ate a little more bread, but he was pretty much just picking at it at this point.

"Is this all about what we talked about together?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He'd just been living it for the last week and a half; he needed a break. He tossed the plate of mostly untouched food back onto the books and crossed his arms.

Chandra shrugged, knowing she couldn't do anything about it. She wasn't going to beat it out of him or anything. She might be beating a dead horse though. "Okay, but you'll probably feel better once you can admit whatever it is that's haunting you so bad. I know about hard confessions, but they really do help."

"I've gotten a lot more skilled as the years have gone by. I couldn't see it at first. I knew I'd obviously lost my memories, but now I can tell how bad the damage is," he quietly muttered, and Chandra had to lean in to hear. His gaze was unfocused, and he seemed to be speaking to himself. Acknowledging he was speaking to another might be too hard. "My mind is in ruins."

He nervously gulped, and forced himself to continue. His deep introspection that had lead to the traumatic spiral had revealed rather horrific news. "My mind has been wiped _hundreds_ of times."

Chandra balked, taking a few seconds before she could string together," Who could do that?" 

A look of death bored into her, and she sheepishly chuckled and said," I guess you wouldn't know."

"If I was willing to do… everything else I've done, what did I do before? What warranted taking my memories so thoroughly and so many times?" 

"I don't know, but you can't judge yourself for what you don't even know." She stood and stretched. Looking back with a serious expression, she said," And anyways, you said our past shapes who we are, but it doesn't make who we are today."

Before becoming a planeswalker, she'd been the cause of her whole village burning alive. She'd been forgiven in some capacity; she survived the purifying flames, but she still thought back to how she could have done things differently. She would probably be on her deathbed and still think of it. That didn't change that now she was part of a team that had pledged to save the multiverse.

Jace cursed under his breath and apologized. "I didn't have any right knowing that, I'm sorry. I'm still having trouble shutting people out all the way."

"What?" she asked, her voice high with realization what he meant. She'd only ever told Gideon. She wasn't prepared for another to know.

"I'm sorry." He guiltily covered his face.

"I was probably thinking too loud, huh? Don't worry about it." Chandra sounded far away as she tried to play it off. Her body language was too positive: big smile, wide shoulders, leaning towards him. She was compensating and they both knew it.

Jace dropped his hands and wrung them slightly. She did think particularly loudly, but he should have been able to filter out the thoughts around him. There was no excuse; he had enough experience to be able to not fish through thoughts accidently. 

"I'll leave you to eating and sleeping then." She began to walk away but paused at the way Jace looked up to her. "Unless… a friend's presence would help?" The sudden relief in his eyes was all the answer she needed. Sighing light heartedly, she sat back down, sprawling in the opposite corner and propping her head on her hand. "Pass some bread, but you better start eating too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone that has made it to the end. Especially big thanks to those who left kudos. I'd love to hear what you guys think of it! I'm writing more in this slightly canon divergent universe, and I should have a new story out sometime next month. It's finals half way through December, so perhaps once I'm done with that or while I'm procrastinating on studying ;)
> 
> P.S. I do not condone Chandra's methods, but unfortunately they're all Jace has right now.


End file.
